Letter to my lost love

It’s been more than two years since that horrible night when I broke both our hearts. I had to end it, I just had to, although it was and is beyond my understanding. I loved you then and I love you now. This is a letter that you will never read.

You spoiled me with your open smiles, your love, and dedication. No other man can ever measure up to you. No other relationship will ever measure up to what we had. Why couldn’t I love you with my body as well as with my soul? That, my dear love, is a question I carry around day in and day out. I wonder if I can love anyone with my body, I dare not try, my soul is already in love. I would only split myself in two.

How many times I have thought about calling you, about telling you that I made a mistake, please take me back, please love me and tell me everything is ok, please tell me that it’s not too late. I miss you every day, every hour of every day. I have nothing to give you, nothing to promise you, no children to give you. I cry and I bleed for you even as I write this. All I have for you is distance. And I would take your hugs, your laughter, your smiles, your support and your ring. And I would give you nothing but more heartbreak and tears.
We were once so close, I told myself time and time again, don’t ruin this. I found you, the love of my soul, and my dissonant body disagreed. But I couldn’t love you fully and I don’t know why. I fell into indifference, I ignored my aching body, I tried to please you and hurt myself.
I still love you, I always will. Every hour of every day. I fill my head with nonsense to try to keep the hurt away. There is no end to the hurt, no end to the tears. There is no point in crying endlessly. I hope my love reaches you, I hope my love comforts you, even when I know you feel abandoned and rejected.
I love you my dear, James Blunt put it right. Good-bye my friend, good bye my lover, you have been the one for me.


2 thoughts on “Letter to my lost love

  1. Pingback: About Love and Pain | Rising from the Abyss

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