I haven’t yet had an orgasm with a man, not even a vaginal orgasm through stimulation. I plan to write a series of posts in relation to this topic. I am doing extensive research on the matter (both intellectual and experimental), and I want to make it available and accessible to other women who might experience a similar situation. So, join me on my quest for the vaginal orgasm.
So, my new year’s resolution is this: how can I, as a woman, learn to take my pleasure from sexual relationships with any healthy man, regardless of how much experience or know-how he might have?
This is the beginning of a sexual exploration on my part. I recently had a lover who reminded me of my sexual-sensual nature. He woke me up out of a stupor, the brief relationship didn’t work out, but I’m grateful that it happened. It was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life, he is all power and energy. He’s also quite experienced and really took the lead. I learned a lot from him in the few weeks that we were together. I still didn’t reach orgasm with him, but I enjoyed his body so much. More than anything I enjoyed MY body so much. I was already enjoying my sensuality before it all happened. I attracted him as I was being sensual with myself. So, even though it is over with him, I know that this potential is in me.
So far, I’ve been waiting for a man who knows how to DO IT RIGHT. There are very few men who really know about women, sex, or even their own body. But, what about learning how I, myself, can do it right?
The truth is that for years I have had a lot of trouble enjoying sexual relationships. At some point it even became some kind of torture as I was in a very loving relationship and I forced myself to have sex with him even though I didn’t want to. It’s painful to even think about it, I hurt us both in the end more than I helped us. I have made a lot of excuses for it. I have for a long time thought that ‘there is something wrong with me’; or my body just can’t enjoy sex, or that my vagina is insensitive, or men are just clumsy, or my belly aches, my head aches, etc… While all these reasons might have some truth to them, they end now. I am taking matters into my own hands.
Here something I wrote about understanding my own femininity:
‘I am a woman.
Being a woman is about a cycle of water, ever changing currents of water that shape my day to day life. It´s a physical cycle that starts and ends in blood every month, blood as the physical representation of the water of life that keeps me alive. First, it’s a physical cycle that carries with it the possibility of harboring life, and the ever present reminder of the bloody death of potential. ‘
This is a part of a previous post- click here to read the whole post.