On Forgiveness

A dear friend moved me to write about forgiveness today. I’ve gathered a few thoughts on the matter, and I would like to share them:

– Forgiveness is a process inside your own heart, it is not about the other person. Someone can be dead and you can forgive them, you can forgive someone without telling them, you can forgive someone even if they don’t know they hurt you. You can also forgive them for not knowing what they have done.
There is a difference between forgiving someone and including them in your life. Two separate actions, neither requires the other in order to become true. You can decide to forgive and keep distance, it has merit, it is no less a forgiveness. You can breach the distance if you feel ready for it, or not at all if you think more harm can come out of the relationship.
– Forgiveness doesn’t require that the other person repent for what they did to you, it doesn’t require that they apologize to you. Again two different actions, someone could apologize and still forgiveness doesn’t come. Forgiveness can happen even without repentance or remorse from the other person. Again, forgiveness is an internal act of love, it depends only on you and not on the other person.
– It is more about forgiving yourself as well, allowing yourself to forgive.

– Or, forgive yourself for not being able to forgive just yet, if that is the case, just start the journey.

– You can forgive someone and not tell them about it. Again, two different actions, you can first forgive and when you are ready to do so maybe you will want to share it with the person.

A note about the dying: it is an act of ultimate compassion to tell a dying person that you forgive them from your soul, to help make the passing more peaceful. It is also an act of compassion to motivate a dying person to forgive those who have hurt them, maybe in a letter if the confrontations might be too much.

Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts,

May you find love and forgiveness in your heart,

All my love,

Luna Sol

 

 

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Hearing Voices, should I listen?

 

I hear voices, they want to talk to me. I don’t know who ‘they’ are. As soon as I relax, I start hearing them, therefore I am in an almost constant state of tension. Blocking.

I trust in my room I am protected, I hear them outside, I hear them knocking on the door. I dream they try to open the door. I have the authority to keep the door locked. Last night I heard children’s voices, it’s been happening lately, they came running down the hall, and tried to open my door, and then I cleared it all out. I could barely sleep, as soon as I relaxed I heard the voices. Am I going crazy? they say that this is sign of mental disease. There are almost no children living in this building, only one or two small babies, and they live on the other wing where the family apartments are, and I hardly think they would be running down the halls at 4 or 5 am. I wonder if this building was ever a school, I know it was a monastery before the current owners bought it from the church and refurbished it into apartments.

They want to talk to me, I know some are spirits of the dead, and some are other types of spirits. Should I listen? Is it wise to talk to them? What can I possibly do for a spirit? I already dream them, their lives, their deaths, their emotions, what is the purpose of this?  I pray for them, that they might rest in peace.

There are others who were never alive in the world of men, they want to tell me a story of how they fell. I know this is the story they want to tell me, they want me to write it out for them. I don’t know if I really want to talk to them, don’t know if it is wise to talk to them. And, do I really want to write a text dictated by unknown voices? Can I even believe what I hear? I’m curious of course, as usual would like to help, but, what can I do? Should I listen?

I think all these voices want to talk in general, not specifically to me, it is just that most people can’t/wont hear them. So they are attracted to those who can sense them in some way. I’ve been working a lot on paying attention lately. All these things, voices and feelings have always been there, I’ve just trained myself to ignore them. It is amazing to what level I’ve tried to ignore them.

Why do they have to be so creepy? Maybe if I just heard them out on my own terms I could catch a full night’s sleep.

It is not all bad, there is a beautiful side to it. I’ve heard angels singing, I’ve heard the music of the spheres, and felt the inspiring touch of Spirit. I will write more about this in upcoming posts. I begin to feel the love and the peace blossoming inside me. I’ve heard all this beauty, and I also hear all the pain, as I open my perceptions I open them to all things. There is a good side and an uncomfortable side, ying yang, both are necessary.

I sent out an offer to do healing, I felt inspired by love,  I thought I was sending it out to people, but also spirits answered. I didn’t even know it was possible for a living person to do something for a spirit, other than pray that is. Has anyone ever heard of this happening? what can we possibly do for spirits? I appreciate any resources on the matter,

Lots of love,

Luna Sol

Free Psychic Readings, Remote Healing and Mentoring

Dear Readers,

Some weeks ago I posted that I would be doing free psychic readings, I’ve learned much and more through this exercise, and for the time being I want to continue doing it. Message me at: luna.solaris1@gmail.com

I perceive a lot of information regardless of whether I’m focusing on a reading or not, I find that focusing the intention of what information I want to receive makes it a lot more manageable. Doing it for someone else makes it feel worthwhile. I feel people around me whether I want to or not, so focusing it on doing readings, answering people’s questions helps me make more sense out of it all. There has been the occasion when I didn’t get any message in regards to a reading, and that is also ok, I will be honest and let you know.

So I want to continue practicing, all I ask is some feedback in return so that we may both learn something from this exercise. I am offering a number of services, all free of charge, subject to time availability (I have a day job):

Remote healing:

 I want to start a formal practice of remote healing, which I have an ability for. I don’t guarantee results, and of course it doesn’t take the place of medical advise/treatment, it is a complement. Though a remote healing I can help you become aware about the root of a physical problem you might be experiencing, and I can give you a push in the right direction, but ultimately it is you who has to take care of yourself and change adverse lifestyles. I am here to help. I can also mentor you through a process of change.

Psychic Spiritual Reading:

This is what I had initially posted about free psychic readings, and it still applies:

What I’m willing to do:

– Sense your feelings, or emotions about a certain situation, but you must grant me permission to do so.

– Ask Spirit what advice would be useful for you.

– Teach you what I know about dealing with scary psychic perceptions that can cause a lot of fear and confusion.

– Dream interpretation.

What I need to know from you in an email:

– A clear question (think about what your intention is when you write the question).

– Any additional information/explanation about your intention is also helpful for me. It goes without saying that I only want to do readings with a good intention behind them.

Message me or email me at  luna.solaris1@gmail.com

I am a student, so all I ask in return is some feedback from you to know if I’m on track (or completely missing the mark),

So there, this is my offer,

Lots of love, 

Luna Sol

On Caving and Courage

I’ve mentioned before that one of my hobbies is caving, speleology. Very literally going into caves and exploring what is underground in the dark. It’s classified as an extreme sport, and it really is extreme, wow, the things I’ve done, I hardly even believe it myself, I even had to buy a separate insurance for it. Blind rappels into the darkness, 300 feet or more, you lose sight of the beginning and the end of the rope, it is only you, a little piece of rope, and the darkness. Crossing on top of an underground lake suspended on a little rope, walking along walls of tunnels that have no floor, ohh and there was that time I almost fainted on a steel cable on top of a massive collector (picture a huge flushing toilet the size of a basketball court, tons of water spiraling down a few yards under your feet, thundering like a jet engine, I could feel the sound in my teeth).  Cave tunnels are formed by water, but usually the bottom of the tunnel is too narrow for people to walk on, so we oppose against the rock on both sides and walk/slide/push along the top of the tunnel.  Sometimes you lose sight of the bottom. It is unbelievable and terrifying at the same time. The cave formations are a gift for the senses, beautiful and imposing sculptures all made by trickling water. Free climbs are also part of caving, it is not unusual to free climb up to 20 feet, first down, and then back up. Often the potential fall is much deeper than the climb. There are tight spots called pinches, tight tunnels, they make a rescue very difficult, not impossible, but very hard. Simply put, don´t have an accident in a cave.

Caving is a rush of emotion even for the cold rational types, so what is an empath doing in a caving club?

I’m doing a study on fear. I’ve battled emotional fear for years and years, I have trouble sleeping, I’m afraid of sex, the list just goes on and on. I’ve tried to start on it in a mental way, meditations and such, made some advances but not much. So I decided to tackle the matter in the physical side of it first. Place myself in situations where I will experience physical fear, and learn to deal with it. Caves are perfect for that, usually the biggest part of the fear -panic- strikes about 3 hours and many feet -miles even- into the cave, at that point there is an intense desire to just be out of there, you simply don’t want to continue doing it. However, you know that if it was that hard to get down, it will be three times as hard to go back up, (it´s like going on a mountain climb, upside down) so you just have to shuck it and do it. Just do it. There’s nothing else to it, you just have to do what needs to be done to get out, there is no quitting, no one to do it for you, it’s just you against yourself. You learn emotional management in a hurry, because you have to, out of survival instinct.

I´ve come to understand that things affect me much more than they do the other cavers. I also feel their emotions as we go on the cave. I need to deal with my own fear and those of my teammates. Believe me, panic is contagious even among regular types. Even though I’m an empath, and sensitive, I’ve always been able to maintain a grip on myself and do what needs doing. Once or twice I’ve felt paralyzed in fear, usually over a deep pit, and then instinct and adrenaline kick in. In one cave, my body was failing me, when I almost fainted above the collector I mentioned above. It took all I had to maintain consciousness and make it through the horizontal rope traverse, and then up another rope to a little tunnel at the top of the gallery. At times, I’ve stopped the thinking commentary and just gotten on with it on instinct, and then forgotten the difficult climbs over gaping pits. 

What´s more, I can feel the energy of the caves. There are two or three caves where they take ‘adventure tours’ and boy scouts very often, this means that they are all beginners and as beginners they will be very impressed by the cave. They leave an imprint of fear in the cave. There is one in particular, it is rather easy to navigate compared to other caves, but it feels charged with yellow fear, even when there  is no one else in it. The deeper, less visited caves feel very peaceful, the rock has it’s own energy, and being deep in the earth there are very, well, earthy and pleasant vibrations. There is most of the time a feeling of foreboding, the earth knows that this is not our natural place to be, we are only visitors, and the cave does not give itself easily to prying eyes. We shine our lights in rock that likes the dark peace, we hang our ropes, we tread mud, and we bring all our emotion with us. Of course, we are but ants inside the caves, earth has the power to absorb and neutralize all that emotion.

Through caving I’ve learned a lot about emotional management under pressure. Not just my emotional management, but that of those around me as well. We had a problematic teammate, very negative, always complaining, and self defeating. I think she is sensitive but she has gone the wrong way, full of spite and hate, has trouble with everyone she meets. Anyhow, she was there for the ride, and we had to deal with her. I had to make a big effort to block out her self defeating thoughts, she even included me in her complaints, ‘we can´t do it because we´re shorter’ and blah blah….We were doing a particularly sporting cave, big pits, a lot of tunnels opposing over depths, free climbs, I could feel her draining me. I was of course also scared, but at times it gets hard to determine what feeling is mine and what is not. I made a big effort to block her, stopped giving her support, cut her out of my intents.  Then she turned to yelling at another teammate, when she is afraid she gets angry, when she is tired she gets angry. I had to make a big effort to block her, and to rein in my own insecurities. Panic is the biggest enemy in a cave. I’ve tried to help her, but she is out of my reach. I’m usually good at making struggling team mates feel better, in the last cave I did a couple of nights ago, a rather large sized teammate was stuck in front of me in a particularly tight vertical squeeze (we had already gone down it and were on our way to the surface again). He just couldn’t go up, he was draining and bruising himself trying again and again, then he was apologizing almost crying, and I just said ‘there is no problem, take a few breaths, think about it, and try again’. I said it in a calm voice with the intention of passing that calm on to him. I also let him stand on my knee. Somehow it helped him, he had tried standing on me before and hadn’t made it. Of course, he did it himself, but I like to think that I helped him decide that he could do it. I smoothed his angst so he could push up and forward.

I also learn about all the stages of trauma, going to a cave is like experiencing them all in a short period of time. You experience the trauma, the breaking down of the self, the awareness and alertness required to survive through it, the triumph of survival, and afterwards the denial of the dangerous situations, complete with the post traumatic processing. Surprisingly, I’ve also experienced the after trauma, or the post traumatic stage (when it is chronic it is called PTSD). After the first cave I did, I did it ok, I came out ok, got home ok, took a warm shower, and then completely crashed. My muscles bunched up in painful spasms, I could barely move my neck, I got cold so cold, turned up the heating, ate soup, covered myself with blankets, and I was still shivering. I forgot a part of the cave until a few days later when someone said ‘wow the newbies did the waterfall’ and I was like, wait, what waterfall?. For a few nights afterwards I was dreaming of dark holes, and pits and being cold and scared.  I wrote about it in another post:

https://lunasolblog.wordpress.com/2012/11/02/facing-fear-in-the-cave/

A caving trip can take anywhere between 3 hours and 10 or 12 hours. The usual is around 5 or 6, but true deep cave explorations can take days. I haven´t gone on any true boundary explorations, I know I don´t have the level yet, but maybe one day, I’d like to see what staying underground for a few days does to my energy (plus you get to see really cool crystal and quartz formations). Needless to say, when caving, you reach levels of exhaustion you didn’t even know were possible. And then you still have to keep going. This is a super interesting moment, when you hit the physical limit and reach exhaustion. Will power and determination are essential to keep going at this point. But the interesting thing is that you learn how to move with efficiency, you are so tired, so tired, that you cannot afford to waste energy through futile movements. The body relaxes, finds it´s own natural steps, falls into it´s instinctual rhythms. You learn to walk the walls like the panther climbs a tree, you learn to go up the ropes fluidly and gracefully. You learn the true elegance of moving with instinct, moving with balance, efficiently and effectively. You tap into energy you didn’t know you had, you learn that your limit is way beyond what you thought it was, you push the boundary of your limits, both physically and psychologically. You learn focus, you learn grit, you learn to deal with pain. You will be cold, wet, bruised and exhausted in the dark, and yet you will not be miserable. The thresh hold for misery increases significantly, you learn that feeling discomfort in the body does not have to mean discomfort in the spirit. You learn to be in pain and just be ok with it. You learn to be afraid and just be ok with it. Physical fear of falling is instinctual, the one fear we are born with.  The pain doesn´t go away, the cold doesn’t go away, you’re still just as muddy and bruised, you still fear falling into the depths,  but you’re no longer identifying yourself with it. You´re even enjoying the experience, yes, there is joy in caving.  You keep going until you reach the top, you keep going no matter what, you keep going in spite of yourself, you leave a part of yourself behind,  and finally you reach the wide open sky.

It’s like a deliverance, or a pilgrimage, you get to know yourself, you see a nasty weak side of yourself, you leave a part of yourself behind, find new energy, and come out a stronger person than you were before. I started caving to study fear, and believe me, I’ve seen a lot of it up close, but what I really learned was about my inner strength, about courage and about instinctual motion.

I’m a more courageous now than I was before, so now I am diving into my inner psyche with more determination. I’ve learned to face fear, physical fear yes, I’ve developed inner tools and strength to face it. I’ve learned to flex my courage muscles. Courage is really just determination in disguise. Now I can face this unseen fear of the soul, my dark night of the soul, I’m ready.

Time is a place

Something I learned sometime in elementary school:

We measure time according to the position of the earth in relationship to the sun. One full turn around the sun is one year, the year is made up of days and nights. As the earth spins along it’s own axis it either faces the sun, in the day, or away from it in the night.

In essence then, time is relative to the position of the earth and the sun.

Thus, time is a place and not a sequence.

It is the change of place, the motion, that creates the illusion of a sequence.

Time is constant motion. 

Time is relative to the sun.We could say that time is the rate of change of the position of the earth in relationship to the sun, a derivative. We are of course assuming that the sun is fixed and not moving. This assumption is wrong, of course, the sun moves. The assumption is not completely wrong if the proportion of the distance between the two is kept the same as they both move through time and space.  How do we track movement of the reference? we have no other measurable stable reference to measure it against. There is more to time than what we currently measure.
Conclusion: our interpretation of time is wrong. Useful for cycles and appointments, but wrong.

How does the sun measure time? probably not in relationship to the earth, it would be as if we measured time in relation to an ant moving around us.

So, if time is motion from one place to another, could we escape time if we ever stopped moving?

Could we go back in time if we moved backwards?

So hard to try to think outside of the idea of time. We’re conditioned to live in the sequence. How to break out of conditioning?

 

 

 

The Endless Plight of the Unknowers

They don´t know they are dead.

I keep having the same type of dream, it´s been happening for years now. I always wondered what it meant, where it could come from, it doesn´t really relate to any life experiences I´ve had. I can remember such dreams ever since I was a teenager. I´ve finally decided to face a few things about myself, like all the shadows I see in corners, the strange dreams and the knowingness that comes with it all.

There are no coincidences, or maybe it was a coincidence. Recently I heard a story that made it all fit in together, here it goes:

It is said that on a dark and foggy night a truck driver, let´s name  him John, was rushing home to his wife on the night she was giving birth to their first child. He had the money needed to pay the midwife and the child´s comforts. He had to hurry so the midwife wouldn´t refuse to attend to his wife. On the way over the he hit a bump and the truck toppled over the side of the road. John got out of the truck, and knew that he was only a couple of hour´s walk away from his wife. So he decided to walk as fast as possible to try to reach his wife in time. Surely someone would give him a ride. He took his envelope full of money and started walking. There weren´t many cars on that road, but the few that passed ignored him completely. He kept on walking and walking, the mist got thicker and somehow he found himself back at the truck not knowing where he might have turned around and gotten lost. So he decided to start walking again, nothing to do but try to reach his wife. After what seemed a like a very long time, he was completely desperate, he kept getting lost and going right back to the truck every time. At some point in his despair, he wailed to another truck driver, and decided to stand in the way even if it meant he would die. At least the truck driver would have to get out and see the envelope and hopefully deliver it to his wife. To his surprise the truck stopped, and a friendly young driver, Peter, opened the door. John explained about his wife, and gave the young man the envelope full of money. Peter was concerned, he took the envelope, and drove to the address indicated on the envelope, it was a short drive after all. As he reached the address, he was told that the people who lived there had moved to the other side of town a few years ago. He thought it odd but decided to chase it to the end and went to the new address right away. An old lady opened the door, and told her that she was John´s wife, the person he was looking for. Her husband John had died many years ago the night she gave birth to their first and only child. His truck ran out of the road and he died immediately, they had said. Yet, the envelope was written in his hand, and inside were a lot of old bills.

This is how my dreams go, minus the Peter part. I dream that I am John, and I am trying to get somewhere, or complete something desperately and for some reason I never manage to get there. Sometimes I´m a teenager, sometimes a young man, sometimes an old man, sometimes a girl my age. I live it as though it were me, I live through the struggle, the stress, the anguish, the violence, the neverending circle. I´ve died a thousand deaths without knowing it. I´ve been trapped in the struggle, the neverending cycle of unknowing your own death has already happened. Sometimes I´m mysteriously suddenly joined by a father or a mother, come to keep company but unable to help, on occassion there´s been an angel. Not that I ever know they are also dead. I dream the endless loop for what seems like an eternity, always striving, never reaching. Then I wake up in a cold sweat.

A couple of time´s I´ve had the gift of living through an accepted death, don´t know if this one was really mine.

This time I was a young soldier fighting a nameless war, must have been in the last 100 years since there were guns and mines and bombs and barbwire. First or second world war. I was with someone I thought of as my brother, laying on our stomachs and trying to crawl with our guns toward the enemy. We were under heavy fire. I was very scared, so scared that my brother would die and I couldn´t save him, so scared that I would die. I could remember the last time I had seen my mother and father back home, the last hug I´d given them. I thought of all the pain they would be in if I died this young in a pointless war. I thought of my sweetheart, we were promised to marry, we´d lost our virginity together right before I left, I wished we hadn´t waited so long. I was so scared to die, so anguished, bullets were flying everywhere, the enemy was upon us. There were shouts of pain high and low. And suddenly I thought, ‘ok, I’m going to die, so be it’. And an immense incredible sense of peace flooded over me, all those things I’d been anguished about a microsecond before didn’t matter anymore. My parents would learn to deal with it, that was their lot in life, my sweetheart at home would find someone else, beautiful girl that she was. My brother would also die, and he would have to accept it himself, for that is something no one can do for you. I understood that in that moment. I felt incredible peace and acceptance, in the middle of the horrible battle field. I died at peace, it was as a beautiful violent death.

Light and dark. Ying yang.

I think I remember the peaceful deaths just so that I can deal with all the other unaccepted ones. There are so many who have died in violence, or shock. So many who simply do not know that they are dead and they continue on trapped in their own anguish. Now when I have those dreams, after I wake up I can think about it and know when the death happened, but in the dream I am as unknowing as the restless dead themselves.

This is what it means to feel what others feel. This is what it means to be an empath and feel spirits. I FEEL them as though it were me. Denying it, blocking it, wishing it away, protecting myself, doesn´t make it go away. It just manifests as stress in my body if I don´t accept it. I accept it now. I can protect myself now, now I know that it is not my struggle, and that is protection enough. I remember that a violent death can be peaceful.

To all the namless unknowers, all those souls, may you accept your fate, may you find your true death, may you finally lay your head and die, give up the ghost, rest in peace.

To all those alive: If someone you know is dying let them go in peace, help them go in peace. As for yourself don´t seek death, but when the moment of death comes, and it will come, look it in the eye, embrace it and accept it. Die with integrity, die honorably, and rest in peace.

 

Contradictions

I am a boiling pot of frozen fire.

I see so many contradictions in myself I don´t know what to do about it all. I don´t even know what to think, in fact, I don´t even know what I think. It is a part of the big divide in my selves. One moment it´s fire, one moment it´s ice, the next it´s sun and the next it´s moon.
Inconstancy is the word.

I am now back to staring into the abyss. The thing is, I think that I (and everyone else) have all the potential for both divinity and evil. We are divinity and we are evil all at the same time. As we reject one or the other we reject ourselves. Looking only at light you reject the dark night of the soul. Looking only at dark you also lose yourself. I´m not saying we have to DO evil, it´s just about accepting the potential of it, and the occurrence of it, in ourselves. It is there, in ourselves we contain all the hells and all the heavens as we travel through this half existence.

Discernment of spirits. It is said to be one of the gifts of the Spirit.  It takes one to know one. One of what? one angel? one fallen? Ying yang. We are a living contradiction, we need the contradiction in order to live and then die. Living is not positive or negative, dying is not positive or negative, they are simply states and transitions. Contradictions themselves are not a conflict. The conflict comes when we deny the contradictions. Conflict is when we deny being alive one moment and dead the next. The key is balance.

 

On why meditation is uncomfortable

There is much to say about what meditation is and how to go about it. Others more adept at it have written about it, all kinds of resources are available on google. So, just now I will talk about my own experience with meditation, or prayer, I believe they are the same thing with a different appearance. 

I’ve been meditating on a more regular basis lately, not every day as I would like to, but getting there. My experience so far, is that meditation is uncomfortable, I get fidgety, stiff, achy, my mind races at a million per hour. Afterwards I am agitated and restless. I thought, isn’t meditation supposed to remedy all that? So, what is going on?

I’ve reflected that starting the practice of meditation, for real, makes you more aware of the current state of your mind and body. The current state of my body is very achy, I’ve all kinds of minor aches and pains. My lower back always pains me, my neck is always stiff, my jaw is sore, my stomach aches, I get indigestion. All kinds of little things that are easy enough to ignore if I’m not paying attention. If I’m not paying attention. As soon as I pay attention they become impossible to ignore. In fact, that is the practice I am aiming for, awareness, stop ignoring. My mind is also in the same state as my body, aches, pains, worries, and fears that I’ve ignored to just keep on going with life. I think all the bodily aches and pains start in the mind/spirit, and when ignored they manifest as stress in the body. Stress causes disease, this is known.

So, beginning an earnest practice of meditation is uncomfortable. I very quickly become aware of everything I’ve been struggling to ignore. Everything I’ve been struggling to ignore includes sensory and extrasensory perceptions, so much feeling, always feeling everyone’s feelings is exhausting, add to that feeling unseen feelings and it is just plain confusing. Better to just ignore it. Or is it? Not really.

Pain is your body’s way of communicating that something is wrong. We should not ignore pain, we should use it as what it is, a call for change. My back aches because I carry around my laptop on my right shoulder nearly every day. I need to get a good ergonomic backpack, even if it is not as fancy and professional looking as a nice side bag. Stop wearing heels, certainly there are nice looking flat shoes as well. I need to do yoga, to pay attention to my body. I need to pay attention to myself. I knew all this before meditating, but becoming so painfully aware of all the pain, both physical and emotional drives the point home.

Even as I write I struggle with writing that I am in pain. Because the pain is not too much, I tell myself ‘stop being overly dramatic’, ‘it is really not that bad’. There is a big resistance to even accepting and admitting the current situation. The thing is that it is NOT that bad, it is not invalidating,  but it is getting worst and worst, at this point I know it can all be reversed. I run the risk of getting seriously injured since I go about my day with hurt muscles, any misplaced strain could cause a tear.

The above paragraph also applies for pain of the heart, and struggles of the mind. These are harder to get at, but there is plenty that is very obvious on the physical side to work on. Start working on the obvious things first. Clean my place, do my laundry on time, exercise, breathe, eat well. Clear enough, now I just have to do it.

So, meditation brings awareness. Awareness of uncomfortable things is uncomfortable. It is OK to be uncomfortable. Some weeks ago, on my last caving weekend, as we were cold, wet, and bruised inside a dark hole, one of my team mates said: ‘Pain is weakness leaving the body’. Through caving I’ve learned to be uncomfortable, and scared, and still OK. Although the whole experience is uncomfortable and I end up with huge bruises, I love every minute of it. It is that sense of overcoming yourself, of facing fear, of going to the depths and coming back out in the sunshine. So, I’m learning that it is OK to be uncomfortable. Don’t ignore it, change what must be changed, but be OK with it. 

Many times before I’ve just stopped meditating at this point. This time I will keep going, even though it is uncomfortable.  I will trust that this is like any other type of exercise regime, it hurts at first, but it makes you stronger with enough dedication.

How I do a ‘reading’

A few days ago, I posted that would be doing free readings. I’m still doing that, read more about it here:

https://lunasolblog.wordpress.com/2014/01/07/free-psychicspiritual-readings/

The process has been very interesting and empowering for me. So, how do I do a ‘reading’?

I always thought that it would be some sort of very mysterious process, that it would be like sitting down for a seance like you see in films, with candles and crystal balls and what not. For me, it is not like that at all. I realized, I’ve been doing ‘readings’ without specifically wanting to ever since I can remember. My most obvious ability is empathy, I can really feel what people around me feel. I think ought to write more about empathy in particular in a separate post, perhaps I’ll do it later.

First off, as I always do for myself anyway, I sought to protect myself. Throughout the years I’ve worked a lot on protecting myself, through visualizations and intentions of safety. My intention has always been to block out all kinds of extrasensory perceptions, since I’ve battled fear on major scales. This time, my intention was to block out all things with lower vibrations than mine, and let through only messages and perceptions from higher vibrations. It’s hard to explain it all, I supposes I’ve come up with my own patchwork of vocabulary as to what it all means. I study energy, and energy is composed of vibrations, it has a frequency. The vibrations themselves, whether slow or fast are neither good nor bad, only the intention behind them. I could write a whole manifesto about vibrations, ahh so many things I want to share. For now, I’ll just say that I had the intention to let in messages with good intentions behind them.

So, for me a ‘reading’ started with empathy, meaning feeling the other person’s feelings. On purpose! It always ‘just happened’ to me, I never really tried to do it on purpose. I always saw it as some sort of uncontrollable thing that sometimes makes me very uncomfortable. When I tried to do it on purpose, for someone online, who I’ve never met in real life, I was surprised at how naturally it came. It was just like what always happens to me, except this time I made it happen. That in itself was very empowering, I realized it is something I can DO, I have some say in it.

Next, I made the intention to perceive signs in relation to the reading. So, what exactly are signs? and where do you find them? I’ve given much thought and study to this topic. I’ve trained myself to see signs in relation to myself, however reading for myself is harder because I have all the noise of my own life in between myself and the signs. All my yearnings and desires get in the way so to speak. There are many tools that psychics use in order to see signs, such as the Tarot, i-Ching, or astrology. I’ve used some of these on occasion, and I recognize their value, but sometimes they feel limiting to me. So usually I opt for ‘feeling’ signs, I will for example be listening to the radio, feel a shiver and think a name. Again, this just ‘happens’ to me very often, this time I sought it. It happened, shivers and all, I was certain I was receiving my signs. It was a quiet certainty, if I thought too much about it my self doubting thoughts could drown it out. It was more feeling than thought, a certain ‘knowing’.

I am starting to meditate every evening, so I included my readings in my intentions for the meditation. I specifically focused on getting perceptions from my own inner guide. In the evening I had dreams, it is a different type of dream as the usual one. It is very vivid, I experience things in first person, I feel things in first person, and they are not always happy things. I wake up immediately after an image is set, and as soon as I wake up I think a certain name, or remember a certain person. That is how I know, I just know, that the dream was meant for that person and not for me. This is a big breakthrough for me; although I dream it in first person, it is not about me. It can be very confusing to suddenly feel something that is uncharacteristic of myself. These dreams I usually remember. I am learning to make sense out of them. I realize that ‘time’ in dreams is not linear in the way that we think of time in our waking life. In a dream, when I see an event, I see all the possible consequences or ‘futures’ of that event even as it is happening. I ‘remember’ that this event is what caused ‘this’ or ‘that’ other set of things, although none of them have happened yet. Wow, dreams, another big topic, I’ll leave it here for now. 

 

Finally, I interpret the signs, based on what signs mean to me. Throughout the years I’ve read many things about signs, some of them have stuck and certain things have a specific meaning to me. For example, water means sexuality, so when I dream I’m drowning I know I have sensual energy out of control. It is like the tarot, the cards have specific meanings, except things have the meaning that I myself have attached to them. So, I interpret based on my own experience, but I also perceive signs based on my own experience. It goes both ways.

Other readers use mediumship in order to hear messages from those departed. I’ve not really wanted to use this one, as I’m still fighting fear on this aspect, creepy, cold, fear. I have felt  and dreamed kind messages from my own dear departed, but never really on purpose. I have seen and felt other departed, often, but I’ve never really wanted to talk to them, they don’t always feel good. From the experience above, I suppose if I focused I could do it on purpose. It is an area I have yet to explore. I do however, know I receive some messages from higher beings, not deceased people, rather beings that are like angels, or guides, or white lights. The definition of what exactly they are is another big topic, but they feel inherently good. Trust intuition.

Back to the readings, doubt always creeps in, who am I to advise this person in their life? what if I’m wrong? what if I cause pain?. This self doubt is hard to overcome, but what can I say, the ‘knowing’ is undeniable. Through this process I am learning to trust myself, to trust my intuition, and listen to inner guidance. I’m not claiming to be an expert on this, I’m still a student, still much to learn. Feedback is very important to me, it is how I learn if I am interpreting in the right way, and I can see if I left something out, or mixed in my own banal thoughts. This experience has been very natural and at the same time very surprising to me.

The final step, and it is a step I just learned, the thing that sealed the deal so I could decide to go ahead and do this, is the ‘disconnect’. It is crucial and important to learn to close off my sensitivities. I read about it recently, and it just clicked, I thought: really? you can do that? wow!! I visualized a door inside me, closing, and a flower inside me closing, softly and kindly and yet firmly and tightly. Closing off was just as empowering as using intuition on purpose. It is such a relief! It is a bit uncomfortable to be closed off, imagine if you tried to stop smelling or hearing. And I know it is not a way to ‘block’ , blocking just brings conflict. By this closing off I don’t stop being myself, I’m just learning to keep perceptions within bounds that I can live with.

phew…That was a lot to write, many topics, feel free to ask me questions, or even request posts about things you’re interested in knowing more about. I’ll be happy to share what I know with you, I’ll also tell you if I don’t know, so that we can learn together.

I’m still doing free readings, so if you’re interested send an email to luna.solaris1@gmail.com

Journey on, 

Luna Sol