I’ve had a bit of a week, it’s been difficult to get through as I had a situation at work, a colleague is attacking me, trying to make me look bad to the boss. I almost gave up, had almost decided to quit, had a very dark day, and just getting through all I had to do was a big hurdle. The week is over now, the work is done, and some posturing on my part was necessary and performed, like an actress. Puufff….that is all I can say.
As usual, difficult times help us grow, and as far as difficult goes, it could be much worst. My bad mental state this week made me re-evaluate what I am doing in general with my life, and where my priorities are. I need to make it count, my priorities have shifted, things I was after before no longer interest me, things I’ve neglected are now calling my attention once more.
So I have a new project (here I go again), I will do 30 days of yoga. I want to open up to light and spirit, I’ve come to learn that whenever I want to do something in my spiritual aspects, doing it in the physical gets it rolling faster. It goes both ways, you change spiritually and you will change physically; so it follows that if you change physically you will change spiritually. There are schools of thought that argue one approach over the other, I think both are valid depending on the person. True body opening cannot happen if the spirit is forgotten, tension will not release if the spirit doesn’t let it go. The spirit is indeed capable of transcending the body, it can ascend despite of the body, but the body is not capable of ascending without the spirit. So, just as I started going into the caves to face fear, and I found courage instead; I will do yoga to face stress and find release. Stress is a kind of fear, all our anxieties and insecurities bunch up our muscles. We lose good posture and that deepens the issue. Starting to work on stress is, well, stressful, because you suddenly realize just how bad your body feels, how neglected it is. It might even seem that trying relaxation techniques causes stress, it is not so, it only causes awareness of previously ignored stress. This is the first step, awareness and observation. One must acknowledge an issue in order to deal with it.
I’ve done yoga on and off for several years now. Constancy has never been my strength, so this will also be a test of will and perseverance. I’ve gotten to what I would call an ‘advanced beginner’ level, there are certain things I can do rather well, but I’ve been stuck in them for quite a while now. Today I did a long yoga practice and realized why I’ve been stuck, I have a weak and painful back and I’m afraid to do poses that work it woo much. I’ve been working on the extremities thinking that when they are better I will work the core, when the reality is completely backwards, start with the core. I’ve been unconsciously thinking that I will work the back once it gets better (it just keeps getting worst); the conundrum is that I need to work the back in order for it to get better. So I’ve ignored it. My poor back suffers more and more, I have tight hips, a very sore lower back and tight shoulders. At times the lower back pain is so much it is debilitating, not crippling, but constant throughout the day and it sucks away at my energy. This has been going on for 12 years now (12 YEARS! HOW COULD I LET THAT HAPPEN?) My head juts forward and my neck is very tight most of the time. I have reduced neck and shoulder mobility in comparison to the average person my age.
Where I’m good at some types of poses, the ones I tried today for the back and shoulders were very difficult to even begin to reach. Some I couldn’t even get into for more than a breath, some not at all. I’m a beginner again. I didn’t realize how much I’ve neglected to do these types of stretches, how much I’ve neglected my back health. I’m taking it easy, but taking it, going methodically and carefully, working with the muscles under the assumption that they are injured and need to be nursed back into alignment and health.
I already feel the effects of the long session I did today. I know that yoga is the key to get rid of my back ache, it used to be that after a couple of sessions the pain was gone. Now it takes longer, but I know that this is the ‘cure’. It was wonderful to tease the muscles and bones into aligning and opening, I feel a flow of energy and a lot of things re accommodating inside me. I also got that nice feeling of ‘wow I didn’t know there was a muscle there’. The most peculiar case were the head exercises, super simple exercises to correct rounded back and head forward position, it made me dizzy, like a headrush. I suppose as I straighten the veins and more blood can flow I feel as though I’m getting a head rush, I’m not used to that healthy feeling of having a healthy flow of blood to the head anymore.
I have a strategy for my 30 days of yoga:
– Aim for at least 30 minutes a day, more if possible. – If 30 minutes are too much for one day do at least 10, but don’t let two days in a row pass with only 10 minutes.
– Do progressive core and back flexibility/strength exercises.
– Post progress here periodically to keep a log.
– Have fun and enjoy.