The last few nights have been difficult, for about a week or so I haven´t been able to sleep well. I´ve been feeling a certain presence, not necessarily bad but not necessarily good either. It was making things move around my place, like suddenly a piece of paper at the other side of the room would fall to the floor, or something in the bathroom falls and makes a noise, or my caving equipment rattles for no reason (metal on metal). Also, lights have been flickering. It’s related to the voices I’ve been hearing, like it had a message for me, wanted me to write something for it. I haven´t really wanted to listen to it, much less write it’s story. I find it creepy enough, although I do usually want to help where I can. Every time I would think about it, some pipe would creak, or one of the above things would happen. This has been going on ever since I read a book about exorcisms written by a catholic priest, and increased after some other readings I did on the matter.
Finally last night I said out loud ‘I’m not writing that story’, ‘period’. Although I don´t fully know the story right now, because I don’t want to think about it, I know that I would know it if I started writing it. I went to sleep without difficulty, and for once I wasn’t jumping at creepy noises. I had some intense dreams. And I mean INTENSE. I don’t remember all of it like a sequence, but here it is more or less how it went. I recall we were in some sort of futuristic construction, like one of those modern bridges that look like whale bones or something, built out of whitewashed rounded concrete and very brightly lit. It was night time and I was not alone, I was with my guide, my angel. I was up and ready for battle, the same type of readiness I feel right before going to a cave. Preparations had been made, I was ‘wearing’ all the necessary equipment- of a psychological nature of course. I was ready for the confrontation although I didn’t know that a confrontation was about to happen.
The confrontation itself, I don´t remember clearly. I remember it wanted to scare me into losing my mind, as usual, I was ready this time. I was scared yes, but keeping my wits, determined. Angels were called, angels came, specially the warrior Archangel Saint Michel, liberation prayers were uttered, signs were drawn in the air, crosses were lifted, hands were lifted. I held my stance, I said the words, I called for help, I felt the help next to me, I felt the attack of it back. IT was driven back, banished from my presence. Several times, in several time frames, in several different stories, with several different repercussions. I´ve mentioned before that time in dreams is not linear, I can ‘see’ an event and all the consequences, and future re-occurrences of that event, all at the same time. I´ve learned to manage the flow of information so I can understand it, more or less, when I wake up. So, the banishment was successful, for some reason I had to do it myself, the angels were there to let me know I was protected, but it was up to me to do it. Apparently, it was following me for some reason, and I had to decide out of my own free will whether to keep it or dispatch it. I was doubtful because I always want to help where I can, but sometimes maybe I’m not ready, or I there is nothing I can really do to help. Either way I only want to help when the intention behind things are good. I decided to dispatch it.
I don’t quite want to talk about what IT is, or rather who IT is. I feel a block in that aspect when I start thinking about it, so at least for now I’ll let it be. This morning I woke up without fear, but absolutely exhausted, bone weary. I felt hungover, although I didn’t have any alcohol last night, I was thirsty and I had a headache almost all day. My apartment feels like a nice place again, and noises are once again just noises, not ominous creepy signs. I can begin to relax, I can begin to unclench my shoulders.
Sometimes I don´t know if I am imagining it all, and in reality I am just going crazy. Either way, I feel better energy around me today, so that is good. Maybe I’m just fighting my own mind, maybe it´s both internal and external at once.