I have a ´difficult´ hour almost everyday. Usually it´s 6 pm, but sometimes it can hit as early as 3 pm. I don´t know why, but I get depressed and very negative about everything. Really my whole view of things changes, any problem I´m having seems enormous and impossible. I hate everyone around me, I curse at everything. I feel so sorry for myself at that hour. Obviously I can´t focus on work or get anything useful done. I come home and I stuff myself with chips, muffins, cheese, anything, until I feel better. It tends to pass by 7.30 to 8.00. Then I just have a stomachache from eating junk.
At the ´hard hour´ I feel like I can´t anymore, my body shuts down and I feel exhausted and completely out of energy. I start falling asleep in unlikely places (my desk, the bus, a cafe, even driving a bike I feel groggy). I remember this hour being like this even in my teenage years. So, it´s been going on for a while.
For a while there I´ve tried to experiment with food, and eating a lighter lunch makes it go by better, but it´s still there. I thought maybe I just go low on sugar, but eating sugar doesn´t really fix it either and then the sugar crash makes it worst. I think there might be something to experimenting with different lunch foods, or eating just an energy snack (like nuts and banans) instead of lunch.
I have no idea why this hour is so difficult for me. It feels so black. I´m just starting to recognize that this is a hard hour, today when it hit I recognized it and thought to myself, ‘ok, it’ll get better, I just have to wait it out’. Then I came home and stuffed my face with everything I could find.
Ideas of why it´s so bad are:
-Night is falling….the only problem with this is that I LIKE night time, I am usually most awake and creative at night (from qround 9 onwards).
– Sugar or stomach digestive issues. This might be true, but I feel like there’s an underlying emotional cause, since the distress is majorly emotional.
– A switch is going on, between personalities and I’m mourning switching….it’s not very obvious if that’s it. I have noticed that my ‘night’ person is different from my ‘day’ person.
That´s all I can come up with. Other than that I don´t remember anything in my past that might have made this hour frightful. Maybe it is just food related. If I ever get a grip on my eating habits I´ll experiment with different foods.
I don´t know what to make of this, I´m acknowledging it and let´s see what happens